My heart is beating really fast right now. I’m on the verge of another seemingly pointless anxiety attack. I had one the other day, at the beginning of an intramural basketball game. I was laughing and crying hysterically for no reason that I could determine my heart’s palpitations nearly visible. Sitting at my computer, I feel the onset of yet another one. The Adelphi University home page is staring at me.
You see, I went to Adelphi in Long Island bright and early yesterday, to audition for the Theater Department. The problem is, I wasn’t myself. I’ve probably had the most exhausting week of my life, barely sleeping, trying not to drink coffee because of lent, staying late in school to rehearse for our musical, getting through a sickness, adjusting to a new iron supplement, panicking about several big event days in school and trying to get homework done and study for tests, because colleges still want my mid-year report. All of this was bogging me down yesterday. I tried to shake it off as best as I could – I shook peoples’ hands, smiled when I thought it was appropriate, laughed when I thought something was funny, etc. But I could not, for the life of me, ask questions. I could not make my usual corny jokes. I could not be myself. I was so physically, mentally, and spiritually exhausted and spent that I could not share the beauty of who I am.
What’s killing me is that I fell in love with the students. They were like me on a normal day – full of life and energy early in the morning, talking in accents and making candid jokes, finding joy in everything, looking happy, being shameless. I wanted to say, ‘I’m kin! I’m kin!’ but my voice was trapped. Of all of the schools that I’ve been to, these were the students that made me feel most at home, and, for the life of me, I could not connect. So far, my final scheduled audition and favorite people-environment, and possibly my worst audition.
I shouldn’t be panicking. I don’t think I would be if I hadn’t found out that their decisions go out as soon as this week. I was prepared for an April decision. I thought I was going to get all of my decisions at the same time, April 1st through 4th. But no – as soon as this week, I will find out whether I am to be a part of an amazing class of twenty actors at Adelphi.
I am panicking so much because I like it. I really like it. It is modern and classic, healthful and indulgent, happy and serene. It may be void of the hustle and bustle of the city, but I finally think that stepping away from that would be good for me, especially with the city only a short train ride away, as well as internship opportunities. There is time to minor, so I wouldn’t be excluded from the second avenue that I choose to pursue. Voice lessons are a separate cost, but considering that the school’s tuition isn’t as steep as NYU’s or BU’s or Harvard’s, it would still fall within my financial capacity.
Also, its colors are red and yellow/gold. GRYFFINDOR.
I’m going to close this website window and not look any further until I get a letter. I have a feeling though, if I get a YES, I will choose to go here – not because it would be the first YES of my top five schools, all of which I’ve heard nothing from yet – but because I truly, genuinely, honestly, can see myself there, happy and healthy.
Isn’t that all that matters?
-Ariana M Taveras
P.S. Whatever you do, don’t let a bad week get you down. Interviews and auditions are important. They give the admissions office a face to put to a profile, and generally, though colleges prefer intelligent, talented, and dedicated candidates, they also prefer happy, healthy, charismatic people who look like they will be able to take on the challenges of college life without falling apart. Don’t make my mistake. Take deep breaths, drink that darned coffee, and put on your game face. Colleges want to see who YOU are, not the results of a stressful week on your weathered teenage frame. Best of luck!