A Halloween Introspection
I am a thinker. And when I think, I tend to worry. Not because I am drawn to worry, but because I simply consider a billion and one possibilities. And with the onset of Halloween the scary things about my future come creeping out of the recesses of my mind and into the incipient hallow’s eve moonlight. Here are a few things I’ve found perhaps most frightening, yet amazingly inevitable, to look forward to in the next year.
- I may never see my friends again–Okay, that was a little bold. But there is always the chance that, after I throw my graduation cap in the air this May, that the people I laughed with, worried with, worked with, and grew up with may never again be a part of my life. I have two friends that want to join the Marines, and in the back of my mind there is a fear that something will prevent them from joining the gang and I at or ten year reunion. Though this is really morbid, it is also the cold truth–life happens, and the people I love now I may never talk to again.
- I will pay bills--eek! Those. The idea of adult finances has finally seeped into my mind and I am currently itching to get a job that pays hard cash. From several college prep courses offered by my school, the sessions pertaining to financial aid have filled me with the healthy trepidation of the lack of money. Currently I am slacking on direct scholarship application, though through my grades and activities I have technically secured a good amount of money. Nevertheless, as my parents remind of things like daily incidental purchases, eating things other than noodle cups, and a 401K, I quiver knowing that I have to know this to be a functional young adult.
- Deciding–Where do I really want to go? What college? What books do I bring? What towels, and jammies, and slippers? Should I bring my stuffed cats, or would I look like the three-year-old I still kind of am? Double room or single room? Honors college? Do I promise my mom know that I’ll call every day, or do I subtly avoid the subject and evade any entangling promises? Do I really need to fill out the twelve optional sections on my application, or can I provide that info later? Do I study tonight or do I stress-cry myself to sleep with a tub of good ‘ol Ben and Jerry’s in my lap?
- Goodbye, comforts of home–So… There’s this chance my mommy may turn my room into a craft hole, outfitted with ribbon shelves and a scrapbooking-nook. That means my bed will leave, my bookshelves will be repainted, my blankets stored away, my desk replaced–my old world covered up by change and need and life in general. The thought that upon returning home one summer break I may not find the things I once knew is little scary, to say the least.
- I will change–Four years from now, when I look back at all the shenanigans I was a part of and at all of the joys and stresses that came to pass, I will look back as a different person. I’ll be a little bit smarter, a little bit stronger, a whole three college years more matured. I’ll have made some mistakes, said things I didn’t want to say, and lived through the scars that came as the consequences.